How Down's Syndrome has changed me

Today My little boy turns One... Here's my summary of this past year with my sweet Gideon Love.

It's been a year... a hard year. I celebrate all of Gideon's achievements on Facebook, but what isn't seen is the endless amounts of hours we've put in to meeting those "milestones", the amounts of "cry showers" I've taken(This hippy's never been cleaner in her life!!! Happy husband!) The amount of time I've spent before the Lord trying to understand "Why?"... The amount of times that I've lusted after my friend's families because of the "Normality" they have, and that I will never have again...

While I was pregnant with Gideon my song at the time was "Oceans" Hillsong United... I used to sing

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, where ever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

This was my prayer for my life at the time, and I remember feeling a sense of fear while singing it, because I knew what my spirit was asking for. I knew the Lord in His faithfulness was going to cause something new to bring this. I also know from experience that "Fire refines us". Fire hurts... It burns... June 1st 2014 at 8:20 am, the little man I sang over was placed on my chest, and the burning began...

I was told that by his first birthday, we would be in a completely different place as a family. We would be stronger... I'm a strong person. I've always been strong. I get it done. I need help from no one. I need no one. Strength is not what Gideon brought into my life... I have been weak. Gideon has caused me to be weak. Something that I've never let myself be before the Lord. 

Thank you my sweet son for causing me to experience weakness. To experience a years worth of being at a constant breaking point. For the knot in my throat that seemed like it had turned into a permanent growth... Through this weakness, I have finally experienced the Mighty Mighty Strength of the Lord. I have walked in places my faith would have never wandered. I have been led into the Fire, andI have been refined there. 

I wouldn't change a single thing about this year. Not even a tiny chromosome that was just a little too sticky! We're a family of four. We are a family whose son has a disability(But is NOT that disability!). But more then any of these things, we are a family with a heart after the Lord, and who are excited to see where Down Syndrome will take us!!! 

Sweet Sweet Gideon Love, Happy 1st Birthday!