My life as a Wife, Mother, and well...Me!: How Down's Syndrome has changed me

My life as a Wife, Mother, and well...Me!: How Down's Syndrome has changed me: Today My little boy turns One... Here's my summary of this past year with my sweet Gideon Love. It's been a year... a ...

How Down's Syndrome has changed me

Today My little boy turns One... Here's my summary of this past year with my sweet Gideon Love.

It's been a year... a hard year. I celebrate all of Gideon's achievements on Facebook, but what isn't seen is the endless amounts of hours we've put in to meeting those "milestones", the amounts of "cry showers" I've taken(This hippy's never been cleaner in her life!!! Happy husband!) The amount of time I've spent before the Lord trying to understand "Why?"... The amount of times that I've lusted after my friend's families because of the "Normality" they have, and that I will never have again...

While I was pregnant with Gideon my song at the time was "Oceans" Hillsong United... I used to sing

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the water, where ever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet would ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

This was my prayer for my life at the time, and I remember feeling a sense of fear while singing it, because I knew what my spirit was asking for. I knew the Lord in His faithfulness was going to cause something new to bring this. I also know from experience that "Fire refines us". Fire hurts... It burns... June 1st 2014 at 8:20 am, the little man I sang over was placed on my chest, and the burning began...

I was told that by his first birthday, we would be in a completely different place as a family. We would be stronger... I'm a strong person. I've always been strong. I get it done. I need help from no one. I need no one. Strength is not what Gideon brought into my life... I have been weak. Gideon has caused me to be weak. Something that I've never let myself be before the Lord. 

Thank you my sweet son for causing me to experience weakness. To experience a years worth of being at a constant breaking point. For the knot in my throat that seemed like it had turned into a permanent growth... Through this weakness, I have finally experienced the Mighty Mighty Strength of the Lord. I have walked in places my faith would have never wandered. I have been led into the Fire, andI have been refined there. 

I wouldn't change a single thing about this year. Not even a tiny chromosome that was just a little too sticky! We're a family of four. We are a family whose son has a disability(But is NOT that disability!). But more then any of these things, we are a family with a heart after the Lord, and who are excited to see where Down Syndrome will take us!!! 

Sweet Sweet Gideon Love, Happy 1st Birthday! 

SRING AHEAD!!!

                   
        You know how I know it's Spring(Almost)?!?!
                                                  Here are 3 reasons I know it's Spring!

                                     1. My sweet One-year-old finally has a 25x5 ft. area in 
                                                     our driveway to run around in! 

Loving life. hobbling back and forth saying dubba-dubba-dubba!

  

In the complete middle of doing a "we've made it to Spring" victory dance!

Playing "Catch the Shadow"

                                           

                                                         But mostly playing...

QUICK! Run away from mommy!!!

Love this little squirt!

2. Because, the lady that sells me Raw Goat's Milk came to church today with Goat's Milk to sell!!! That is... Goats have their baby goats in the spring, which is also the time you start milking them! SPRING!

So what did I spend Eden's afternoon nap making???

 Yummy Goat's Milk CHEESE!!!

Here's how:

First: gather ingredients...

1/8 C. vinegar per every Pint of milk.

                                                      Second: Poor milk in Pot...

Third: Turn stove top on High...

Then: Bring milk to a boil, while constantly stirring...

Once to a boil, add your vinegar! stirring...

Stir for about 2-3 minutes rejoicing with all the curds floating in your now whey! 

Then poor into your cheese cloth/strainer concoction, and let the whey drain out, while gently stirring the curds! 

             Note:You can save your whey to cook with, it is known to be "nutrition", but we don't eat whey so I just let it go down the drain)

Stir in your salt!

I used 1/2 Teaspoon at first, then ended up putting another 1/2 tsp. in!

After you've mushed a lot of your whey out of the curds, fold the corners up and twist. This will get the rest of your whey out! Note: For a dryer cheese squeeze as much of the liquid(whey) out as you can. For a softer cheese leave more of the liquid in!

 Wallah! Fresh goat's milk cheese for my "spring salad" I made for lunch!!!

3. The final reason I know that it's spring is...

           This  beast fruit! I bought this the other day at the grocery store... It's called a UNIQ fruit. After making my cheese I opened it up and bit into a sliver that was the size of half a naval orange! it was the juiciest, yummiest, most lovely of surprises! I jumped off my seat and said to myself "I need to know where this comes from and it's description!" Off to the Kitchen I go! Digging into the compost for the peal of the Uniq, to see if there is a sticker on it! There is! 

Add caption

 "Jamaica", that's cool! I like Jamaicans... Do you see what it says under the "Jamaica"??? "Good Hope" That's right! After a week of what seemed to be the Greyest of all weeks. A week that until yesterday left me feeling like "Spring will never come"... Today happened! I beautiful surprise! My afternoon adventure ended with me laughing about my fruit being none as the "good hope" fruit! There is hope!

I finished off my early afternoon with a two-mile, gorgeously sunny, smile plastered on face walk with my daughter, and now am going on a "drive adventure"... Which will probably end with some "spring time" Iced coffee somewhere, and Eden playing with her Auntie, Uncle and Doggie Cousin! 

Happy Sunday, and Spring-Like day Everyone!!!

G(O)OD HOPE!

TGIF!!! She took one for the team!

Today's Theme 

"TGIF", and "She took one for the team"!

TGIF has been something that's rolled of my tongue every week lately! Without thought, I wake up on Friday, and out it comes... THANK YOU GOD I MADE IT TO FRIDAY!!! Why I'm speaking this famous phrase I know not... Friday means nothing to me. Most of the time my husband is gone from 5:30am Friday-9:30am Monday. Meaning that I'm left to my own defenses to survive the weekend with my One-year-old. However, this week has been different.  This week I've earned my TGIF. For three weeks now Eden has been sick. If you don't have any children, you have no idea what this means for a mom. If you have children, one or many, you know EXACTLY What I'm saying! Last Friday though... That's when the real fun started! When momma woke up sick with what made life "hell-like" the two weeks prior. Let me just say this, I don't get sick. Really... My husband gets sick, gives it to Eden... and usually it stops there. If I do get sick, it's a rare.. Very rare. A once every few years kind of thing! I got the whole chi-bang! Soar throat, congestion, head-throbbing, drowsiness, fever, stomach ache! All of it! My sickness just happened to fall on the week that my husband had to work 51/2 days! Meaning... He was gone for 51/2 days, and 5 nights! No husband. No one! Just sick me, cranky Eden! Every day was a challenge. I mean really, this whole week I've been trying to think of anything that compares to the agony of being sick, and not being able to take care of yourself. Not resting, nothing. Just, chasing after someone Else's needs. Trying to keep that someone from escalating into a disastrous situation at any moment. nothing compares! Nothing.

So I made it! A week of Eden getting over her cold, and momma being sick. It's Friday! We made it!(Again, I'm not sure what we made it to, or for what, but we made it!) As I was sipping down the first cup of coffee I've had all week, I debated going to my mom's group. Although I feel better, I still have a lot of congestion, that was messing with my ability to hear well. "Ahhh what the heck, why not! I'll go. It'll do Eden and I good to get out, anyway." I rush together to get myself showered, hair done, make up on, teeth brushed, clothes on, shoes on, wood in fire, Eden's diaper changed, clothes on, shoes on, car started, Eden's snack packed. I did it! All of it! It's only 8:45 am, and look at all I've done! Take a shot of Dayquil and off we go! 

I check in and get my name tag, I check Eden in and get her name tag. I bring her to the nursery, take her coat off, sticker her snacks and water, introduce her to the nursery lady, kiss her, and find my seat. Then, I get coffee. First a half cup, then half way to my seat I think "what the? what am I thinking?!?! Get back to that coffee table, and fill this cup to the brim!!! So, I do. The ladies slowly trickle in, probably having a similar morning as I did. They go through the same routine, and then end up sitting at the same table. every one's chatting. I'm not chatting. Nope, not me. Why? I can't hear a thing. I'm trapped in my head! I can't hear out, but have plenty going on inside! Like, "does everyone at this table know I can't hear them?" and "Look at all of us women, sitting at the same table, doing the same things with our lives(being mothers)... What were we thinking? watching the mom's with multiple children I thought "Maybe we shouldn't have anymore..."

The devotion was done by a distant cousin of Winston Churchill! How cool was that?!?! She was miked so I could hear her just fine! Apparently Winston was a "strong willed" baby. Reminded me of Eden... There's hope! The speaker of the day, spoke on the "Five Love Languages". Also on a mic, which was a good thing, because I much needed to be reminded about the Love Languages! Half way through, One of the Nursery ladies squats down beside me and says something softly to me, not to interrupt. I look at her with squinty eyes, and I'm sure a confused look on my face. She repeats, "One of the little girls in the nursery bit your daughters cheek, and then her forehead. She didn't brake skin, but we wanted to know if you wanted to come to the nursery before groups over so we can explain what happened." (Perhaps they thought I would be upset...) Again, I probably looked confused as I said, "I'm sure she's fine, I'll come in when it's over". I look back to the speaker. "Is this really happening? I knew I heard a blood-curdling scream that sounded like Eden"... "poor thing. How many times in a life do you get bit? Twice!" Okay Elizabeth focus! Love languages! Speaker finishes. Now it's time for table discussion time/mommy craft. Everyone goes around the table answer the discussion questions about the message. I answer. I'm not sure what I said. I'm pretty sure none of it made sense, seems everyone at the table looked at me like "what are you trying to say". I look at the clock. 11:30. 15 more minutes. Craft time. We make pretty paper, framed, with dry erase markers... The idea: To create a "dry erase board" to right sweet things to our honeys... Cute idea. Mine came out okay. Group gets over. Time to go get Eden. I go in the nursery and am immediately greeted by a 13ish-year-old, holding Eden, Saying "I'm so so so sorry! It was my little sister that bit her! I'm so sorry" Eden has two HUGE bite marks on her face. I'm not sure who the little sister was that bit her, but whoever she was, she had a big mouth! I'm thinking "poor Eden, you must have looked pretty appetizing for a little kid to take a bite into your cheek!" "apparently you were appetizing, cause she took another bite into your forehead!" 

Eden looked at me as if to say "Oh thank God it's mommy!" She held on and patted my back for the entire time I rallied our stuff together. It was almost like she was comforting me. I then had two other ladies come up to me and apologize. One, two, three times. "It's okay, kids bite I say." Then I go back to my table to get my purse and coat. The mother of the little girl who ate Eden, came up to me and started apologizing. "It's okay I say, kids bite." I'm starting to think by the way these women were apologizing that I wasn't upset enough. "Am I not upset enough that Eden got eaten in the nursery? I mean she doesn't seem to be to upset about the huge mouth marks on her cheek and forehead"... 

All I could think was "good job Eden, you took one for the team!" 

(The team being "It's Friday, and mommy needs out of the house!)

                         Now to Trader Joe's to pick up some odds and ends left on my grocery list. In-N-out. Back in the car where I feed Eden her snacks, to hold her over till we get home. Driving home Eden clonked out! She looked very sad with her face all chewed up! Suddenly I get hungrier than a hippo! I accomplished everything this morning! EXCEPT food. It's now 12:30 and I haven't eaten anything yet today! Why? Why do I do this!?!?! I try my hardest and keep the speed limit. I drive in the driveway, lock my baby in the car, and RUN into the house and grab...

                      The very thing I tell my husband "NOT TO EAT, BECAUSE THEY ARE                      
                                             EDEN'S SNACKS!!!" I finish off half the box... 

I wipe my cheesy "Cheddar Snack Mix" finger's off, and go to "blogger.com", to get a grip on my day. Eden, still clonked out, sleeping off her disastrous three weeks. Me, Typing dryly and bluntly the order of it. Not caring about grammar, and spelling. Laughing inside, and  thinking... "TGIF!!!" 

     *This is not a complaint of my week and day. Just a note that I can chuckle about now that I'm through it! 

                       Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!!

Tears in Walmart...

The fluorescent white and blue looked as if it were glowing through the automatic doors. There I was, about to enter a store that I never wanted to be entering. Everything, BIG. Including the carts! What on earth do I need a cart this size for? I roll my squeaky cart over to produce. As if the cart is screaming, LOOK, LOOK, SHE'S SHOPPING AT WALMART! As I glance at the produce my eyes start welling up with crocodile tears. Nutrition is something my husband and I are very passionate about. Organic Nutrition is another. Looking through the produce, all I can see is pesticides and fertilizers... Pale fruit and vegetables... They almost looked dead. You're plants should never look dead. They're purpose is to bring life to your body. So if they look dead before you put them in your body,  they aren't going to give you the fullness of nutrients they should...

Rewind to the day before grocery shopping day...

 In order to reach a goal we've set by September, we decided to go over our bank statements from the past 3 months together, to see exactly where every penny of our money was going. Tallying up 3 months worth of expenses, and than seeing which expenses where accurate, and which ones were "OH MY WORD WE SPENT HOW MUCH ON GROCERIES!?! Whenever anyone asked me "What do you and your family spend monthly on groceries" I would respond "$500.00/month"... For three months in a row we had spent about $900.00/month just on groceries!!! For my husband, me, and a 1 year old! What they hay! Not to name drop on stores, but we tended to by most of our food at two stores in Portland... Right next to each other. One full of organic goodness, and the other filled with a lot of the same products, a little less organic, and a little less expensive! Yea that's right Whole foods and Trader Joe's! I'm talking about you!!!

I can almost hear scissors snipping when I think back on how much we decided to snip out of our grocery budget! Snip snip snip! There goes my organic! We've said for a while now that we would never compromise our health. That we would always cut everything out we needed to be able to eat well, and feed our family well. Problem is, when you've already cut everything out possible, and your only bill every month is Groceries, gas, and cell phones... You've got to think about what needs to happen. Cell phones= The cheapest phone on the market, along with getting on my parents family plan= Our phones are not the issue... Gas= gotta get to work. Gotta get to church. Some days, just gotta get anywhere I can, as long as I'm out of the house! = I already cut back on driving to save money= gas is not the issue. GROCERIES! Groceries are the issue! Snip snip snip. There goes my organic, and hello Walmart! 

I felt a little bit better when I saw some organic produce! Love you WF's but... I've been noticing lately the amount of produce you've been purchasing from Mexico! You too Trader's, most of your produce comes from Mexico... So, as far as I'm concerned you both have something in common with Walmart! Except! I can get 5 oranges from Mexico at Walmart, for the price of 2 non organic Mexico oranges at WF's, and 3 non organic from Mexico at TJ's... Let's talk Yams... I was all excited that WF's finally ran a deal on Yams... $2.99 per pound! They were on my grocery list. I go to Walmart, and they always sell yams for $0.99 per pound. I smiled. Olivia Garden tomatoes, normal purchase at Hannafords OR WF's for no less than $2.99 a pound. Walmart, $1.99 per pound. I smiled again. Bob's Redmill products... Between $2-$3 per an item cheaper at Walmart. Annie's organic products. $1.00 cheaper at Walmart. I still don't like the morals of Walmart. However, to reach our goals, I appreciate their super low prices, and that they surprised me with the amount of organic products they carry! I have been able to shave $100.00 per week by only purchasing certain  items at my favorite stores, and buying the most of my groceries at my, hopefully temporary store! 

My last blog I mentioned "We gave up, so we could gain" This is an area that I have given up. I know it's not forever, but for now, I have to say goodbye to the luxury of organic. To some this may seem crazy, but to you who put your faith in God I will say this. My heart was broken over the new foods we had to eat. I was asking the Lord why we didn't have enough to provide the kinds of foods, we believe He would prefer us to eat. The Lord gave me a very specific prayer, to pray over our food for every meal. "Dear Father, we ask you to restore every nutrient to our food that it was originally design, by You to hold. We ask you to take out anything that would bring harm, and hinder fullness of life. We ask you to take out any pesticides, or fertilizers that were used to grow this food quickly. To restore our foods nutrients back to 100%. AMEN! I believe that by praying this prayer, my food is restored. I believe that while we are sacrificing, the Lord is good to not only provide, but to also protect us! 


                                           Because He gave up, so He could gain!

$31,000 gone!

 

Almost three years ago to the month, Andrew and I started building our little home that would help us get out of debt. We had no idea of the sacrifice and hardship ahead. We thought it would be a "romantic" adventure. Just us, in our newly built home, in the woods secluded from all else. Romance quickly left as we found the difficulties in what we were trying to do. We gave up, so we could gain. As humans we don't do that well. We were secluded and felt alone in our "romantic adventure".

 

 

 

At first it seemed like we would never get out of debt. As we wrote all of our bills down on paper we realized that our bills consumed almost all of our income. Individually we had both made foolish mistakes with our finances. Evaluating the mountain of debt we were attempting to tare down seemed impossible!

 

Together we looked at our mountain... Andrew with optimism, and I with Little less than optimism. $54,000!!!

 

About nine months into our journey, we had close two $8,000 paid off! Then something happened which meant we had only a short time to pay off another big chunk before a third of our income was gone!

 

 

 

A year and a half sooner than we had planned, we found out we were pregnant! Excited, but wondering how we would make this work with our goals?!? Over the next nine months we paid off another huge portion of debt. I was pregnant, and had no mind to even think to keep track of how much exactly... but it was a good portion.

 

My heart broke alittle...

 

(My pregnancy... I dreamed of being a cute pregnant mom! I had a beautiful belly for any beautiful maternity top! The hardest part of my pregnancy was not being able to buy maternity clothing. Not being able to dress my body to show that I was SO excited to be pregnant! I spent 8 months of my pregnancy wearing the "belly band" so I wouldn't have to pay for new pants, and squeezing into my non-maternity tops with long undershirts, so I wouldn't look like a hill billy! Month 9 we had to cave and get me 3 maternity shirts. One for work, a sweater so I could stay warm, and a dress shirt... All of which were on sale! Most of my pregnancy was in the fall/winter, and to "save" money, I didn't buy a winter coat I could fit into... Luckily I was pretty warm my entire pregnancy, so I would just put a sweater on... Probably not an important rant, I just wanted to tell you something that made me sad to give up for our goal.)

 

After Eden was born, we re-evaluated our finances, and put together a new budget. MORE SACRIFICE. There were so many times where I would think, "how could we possibly sacrifice more?!?" We're already not considered American!

 

By summer 2011 All of our credit card debt was GONE! We held the deeds to our 1998 Toyota Camery, and a 2008 Dodge Ram!!! Do we really own BOTH of our vehicles!?!? I feel like that is rare? Maybe not?

 

In effort to pay off my smaller student loan, we started eating more rice and beans. Never bland, thanks to my husband's Colombian heritage! Rice boiled with lime and cilantro, and beans with Smoked Paprika, Cumin, Cayenne pepper, Coriander, Cocoa, Onion, garlic, and salt... Throw some tomato, onion, and avocado on top and you feel RICH!

 

We paid all but $2,000 of my small student loan off, and decided to use part of our tax return to finish off that loan... How does it feel to pay this off? ummm... Are there words?!?!?!

 

As of February 19th, 2013(today) We have paid of $31,000! We did not completely meet our goal of $54,000 in two years... However, we got an unexpected surprise that is worth way more that $23,000! Little miss Eden girl!

 

We were given the opportunity to move into my grandfather's house until it sells to keep the house "lived in". We are still on the same old track of paying off our last student loan, but THERE'S A BATHROOM!!! It feels like the Lord has handed us a gift, and said "Okay Andrew and Elizabeth, just rest now. Take a break. Kick back and relax.

 

I can't begin to tell you what we had to sacrifice in order to pay off what we did. My entire marriage has been devoted to paying of debt. We have sacrificed our wants and desires, we have sacrificed each other, in order to do this... It has not been easy. Sometimes when I think back over the past two and a half years, I just want to cry. I'm still overwhelmed with how we lived to take down this debt mountain!

 

As much as I don't want to post this last picture, I feel that I should.

 

 

This is a picture of us after hiking one of our favorite hikes. We are gross, sweaty, and exhausted. Today, this is how I feel. I wanted to write this part of our story today because I felt discouragement creaping in... I needed to remember where we were, and how far we have come! The mountain has been moved!

 

 

If we can do it... You can do it!

 

My "ONE" year old?!?!

 

 

Although this blog is titled "My "ONE" year old?!?!", I thought I would start this blog off by apologizing that the last time I took time to update this blog, I had an eight month old...In my first blog I asked myself the question "How can I be a good blogger". My plan was to be current and update my blog often...WHOOPS! My apologies, there will be a blog after this one to share what this year has held, along with some pretty encouraging victories!  For now, I just want to rant about my beautiful daughter!

 

 

So, to the point. My ONE YEAR OLD?!?! Really? Did this really happen to me? A minute ago I was pushing my bundle of goodness out, during the best moment of my life. Now I have the cutest, patootie-est one year old ever! (sorry other mommies... I know we all think ours are the cutest!) I mean look at her! She's beautiful right?

 

 

So many beautiful and wonderful things have taken place over the duration of her life. Along with some not so pleasant, extremely painful, and frankly petrifying to my soul "events". God has shown His unfailing provision, and goodness to us yet again. When my husband and I named our daughter, we named her because it meant "The place where God walked". We felt it would define an intimate relationship that she would one day, hopefully at a young age, have with her heavenly Father. Throughout this year, when I'd look at my daughter, I'd find myself saying "Eden...my joy, my pleasure, my delight". When we dedicated our daughter to the Lord, our pastor spoke over her what her name meant in Hebrew. A definition my husband and I had never heard for the name Eden. It was "my Joy, my pleasure, my delight". I was amazed because I knew that the Lord had named her, and then used me as her mother to call out who she is!

In honor of Eden's first birthday, and all we have been through together... Eden decided to get my husband and I a present. She gave us a walking baby!

                                            
I'd been told by many many parents that you DO NOT want your baby to start walking! I however, couldn't wait for her to start walking! Yes she's into everything, but it's so much fun watching your child slowly gain there own sense of independence. Not to mention now she can wear girly dresses, and her pants aren't always dirty in the knees!
 
                                                                           Eden,
                                  
                                                                        From this...

                                                                         To this...

                                             
                                                                      In one year...


A year that I completely lost myself, and somehow found me! A year that felt like death some days, and others felt like real life. Someone told me last night that before I know it I'll be wondering where my life went. That we are all headed towards the same place, and are all surprised when we get there, how fast it went by. I felt so blessed to be able to respond with "Every time I rock my babe to sleep, every time she wraps her arms around me, every time I bless the food we eat, I take a few extra moments to thank the Lord for every moment He has given me, in that day with my little daughter. It is true. Life is a vapor. However, I truly believe that through thanksgiving, we can spend more time in each moment, which actually slows that vapor down.


I will not live life blinded, numbed, deaf, and lifeless to those that I Cherish around me.

I will strive for things that matter, and not pocket fillers. I am so thankful for my life, for who I am, and for all that has been given to me. My life doesn't look like anything special, but to me, I have been given the most special gift... My life.